SIDE 1

CHARLIE

How you doing, Buddy?

BUDDY

Um, fine Charlie, but... I guess I m gonna be a little short on today s quota.

CHARLIE

That s all right, Buddy. Just tell me, how many Etch A Sketches® did you get finished?

BUDDY

I made, uh, eighty-five!

CHARLIE

Eighty-five? It s ten a.m. and you ve only made eighty-five?

BUDDY

Why don t you just say it? I m the worst toy maker in the whole wide world. I m a Cotton-Headed-Ninny-Muggins.

CHARLIE

You re not a Cotton-Headed-Ninny-Muggins. You have lots of talents, uh, special talents in fact, like, uh...

ELF #1

You re the best basketball player in the whole North Pole!

ELF #2

Even better than Santa!

ELF #3

And you re the only baritone in the Jinglesingers!

ELF #4

You bring us down a whole octave.

ELF #5

In a good way!

CHARLIE

See, Buddy? Hey, these elves are getting pretty thirsty. Would you mind doing a round with the cocoa cart?

BUDDY

Yay! Cocoa cart! Cocoa cart!

(BUDDY leaves. CHARLIE motions to SHAWANDA to join him.)

CHARLIE

Hey, Shawanda.

SHAWANDA

Yeah, Charlie?

CHARLIE

I hate to do this to you, but do you think you could pick up the slack with those Etch A Sketches®?

(BUDDY returns. He listens, unnoticed.)

SHAWANDA

No problem.

CHARLIE

I appreciate it. I feel bad for the big guy. I just hope he doesn t get wise.

SHAWANDA

Well, if he hasn t figured out by now that he s a human I don t think he ever will.

BUDDY

Human?!? I m human?

(Beat.)

CHARLIE

(desperately whispering to ELF #1)

Get Santa!

(ELF #1 runs off to get SANTA.)

BUDDY

You said I m human!

CHARLIE

No. No.

SHAWANDA

No, not you Buddy. We we re talking about some other Buddy. Some Buddy... else.

BUDDY

No you weren t!