(A CAMERA CREW enters, led by TV Presenter JAY BIRD)

And rolling. So tell me, Ida, it has been a week now since your son went missing. How are you bearing up? Can you manage a tear for the camera?

Wh...what?

(DRAKE rushes forward, clearly having called the TV unit.)

This, dear, is Jay Bird from "America's Most Feathered". They're doing a feature. Now, which do you think is my best side?

(JAY BIRD ignores DRAKE and goes in for the kill with IDA.)

Ida, there have been rumors of farmyard bullying - do you believe your son was abducted, or is it possible that he ran away to escape his persecutors?

What are you saying?

That's good. I'll buy that. Defensive yet emotional. Just a hint of anger. I'm filling up here.

What about me? Does no one care about what I think?

Sorry, Sir, coming to the end of transmission.

(Into the camera.)
I'm going to leave the final word with Ida, just in case her son is out there watching, but for now this is Jay Bird for "America's Most Feathered" saying that if you see anything suspicious - from thieving Magpies to lost Ducklings - the chicks on the switchboard are waiting to take your call. Alright, Ida, it's all yours...