SIDE 1

CAPTAIN HOOK

How still the night is. Nothing sounds alive. Now is the hours when children in their homes are a-bed – their lips bright- browned with the goodnight chocolate, and their tongues drowsily searching for belated crumbs housed insecurely on their shining cheeks. Compare with them the captive children on this boat. Split me the infinitives, but ’tis me hour of triumph!

(laughs)

At last I’ve reached me peak! I’m the greatest villain of all time. 

SIDE 2

CAPTAIN HOOK

Most of all I want their captain, Peter Pan. ’Twas he cut off me arm. Oh, I have waited long to shake hands with him with this.

SMEE

Yet I have oft heard you say your hook was worth a score of hands – for combing the hair, and other homely uses.

CAPTAIN HOOK

Aye, Smee, if I were a mother, I would pray that me children be born with this...

(indicating the hook)

... instead of that.

(indicating his hand)

But Pan flung me hand to a crocodile that happened to be passing by.

SMEE

I have often noticed your strange dread of crocodiles.

CAPTAIN HOOK

Not of crocodiles, but of that one crocodile. He liked me hand so much that he has followed me ever since – from land to land, from sea to sea, he follows the ship, licking his lips for the rest of me.

SMEE

In a way it is sort of a compliment.

CAPTAIN HOOK

Well, I want no such compliments! Smee, that crocodile would have got me long ere this if he could have crept upon me unawares. But by some lucky chance he swallowed a clock—

SMEE

A clock!

CAPTAIN HOOK

And it goes on – tick, tock, tick – within him; and so, before he can reach me I hear the tick.

SMEE

Some day the clock will run down, and then he’ll get you.

CAPTAIN HOOK

Ay, that is the fear that haunts me.

(CAPTAIN HOOK sits on a large mushroom and then

suddenly jumps back up.)

Ooooh!