Script

SIDE 1

SHARON THE SHEEP SHEARER

Do you think he's really coming?

OTHER COMMONERS

The Black Knight?

CHANDLER THE CANDLE MAKER

Yeah, how do we know he's even real?

OTHER COMMONERS

I ain't never seen him. I ain't never seen him.

ANNIE

Jack, listen& they're talking about the Black Knight. Let's go ask them-

(JACK puts his finger to his lips to warn ANNIE to be quiet.)

BARTLEY OF THE BARLEY MEADOW

Of course he's coming, the whole reason the Duke is throwing this party is to win favor with the Black Knight.

JACK

Annie, this is medieval times, you can't just walk into a castle unannounced. Trust me.

(RED addresses MUSTACHE, SQUINTY and the CASTLE SENTRIES.)

RED

Looks like a rough crowd, show me what you got, men!

(THE COMMONERS approach.)

SHARON THE SHEEP SHEARER

We just want to catch sight of the Black Knight.

CHANDLER THE CANDLE MAKER

We won't eat nothing.

BARTLEY OF THE BARLEY MEADOW

We promise.

RED

Line up! Single file!

SIDE 2

SQUINTY

It's a grand feast the Duke is pitching for the Black Knight, ain't it?

MUSTACHE

Yeah, just listen to 'em in there& laughing& with their bellies all filled up with beef and ale.

RED

While we starve out here keeping their castle free of the riff-raff.

SQUINTY

Yeah, the riff-raff. What's riff-raff?

RED

You know, the plebes.

(SQUINTY, squints, confused)

The proletariat.

(SQUINTY squints some more)

The hoi polloi.

(SQUINTY still not getting it)

The commoners, you dunce!

SQUINTY

Ohhhh& you mean folks like us!

MUSTACHE

Ironic, ain't it? Using folks like us to keep out folks like us?

RED

Well, mark me words, I ain't going to be a commoner the rest of me life.

SQUINTY

What are you going to be, Red?

RED

A knight, what else? I may not be of noble blood, but I have me suspicions that sort of thing won't matter to the Black Knight.

MUSTACHE

Once he gets here and gets a load of Red, he'll see he's got more valor in his little finger than all of the Duke's wimpy pages and squires put together.