SIDE 1

(SHARPAY and RYAN pop up out of the rough, wearing camouflage to blend in the landscape. SHARPAY wears a pith helmet on which are glued a huge sunflower and tall grass fronds, and sunglasses that seem to sprout branches. On top of Ryan's helmet is a nest full of eggs; RYAN's face is streaked with green and brown paint. SHARPAY watches the offstage sweethearts through high-powered binoculars.)

Look at Troy and that Montez creature, picnicking right on the golf course!

(RYAN takes the binoculars from SHARPAY.)

What are they having? I'm starving!

Really, I have no idea what anyone sees in her.

Let's see: since coming to East High, Gabriella Montez has won the Science Decathlon, starred in the winter musical, made friends with everyone on campus, and is dating the most popular boy in Albuquerque.

I'm a five-time Star Dazzle Award-winner, have won three Most Innovative Hairdo badges from the official Junior Miss Trendsetters of America Association, and am massively fashion forward.

(SHARPAY moves camouflage greens out of her face.)

(looking through binoculars)
Oh, look, now they're playing tag. Isn't that sweet?

I've been at East High three years; she's been here five minutes. Isn't it obvious that Troy Bolton deserves to be with me?

Someone should tell Troy that before he kisses her.

(snaps open phone and dials)
Not if I have anything to say about it.

("sweetly," into the phone)
Oh hi, Fulton. Daddy wanted me to remind you to give the ninth fairway an extra soak  it looks like a sand trap. Can you turn the sprinklers on like right now? Yes, right now, as in like right now!

Uh-oh, he's making his move

Thanks, sweetie!
(snaps phone shut)
5-4-3-2 and 1.

(We hear the water sprinklers come on, then TROY and GABRIELLA yelling with delight offstage as they are suddenly soaked.)

And the game's been rained out!

Mission accomplished.

(SHARPAY and RYAN retreat into the rough.)

SIDE 2

(SHARPAY looks back into the mirror, bursts into a fresh round of tears, and buries her face in her hands. JACK SCOTT steps back onstage.)

Yo, Ladies and Gentlemen, you are going to totally flip out over our next amazing act. Let's make some noise for Rosette Shimshank and her acrobatic Accordion!

(The audience applauds as ROSETTE bounces on stage with her accordion. FULTON knocks on the door frame and pokes his head in on SHARPAY. SHARPAY lifts her head; her eyes are ringed in running mascara.)

Love the eyes. Very Alice Cooper.

I look like a depressed raccoon. Troy won't sing with me! I can't do it. I can't I can't I can't!

(controlling his temper)
Yes, well, we have a capacity crowd waiting to hear you "dazzle" them, so get moving, kid!

Tell them to go home  tell my father that I'm sick  just tell somebody something, or you're  you're fired!

(enough is enough!)
You, fire me? Young lady, you have finally gone too far! I have neither the patience nor the time to deal with your monstrously insecure, teenaged ego. Now get out there and sparkle! Capisce!?

Capisce.

Good. Break a leg!

SIDE 3

(The audience applauds as JANEY takes the stage with her puppet. In her dressing room, SHARPAY cries, attacking yet another innocent cookie.)

(into the mirror)
I hate my life, I hate my life  I love these cookies  I hate my life

Sharpay?

Troy??

Uhm, if you still want me to, I'll sing with you.

What?

I figure I should start trying to keep my promises. What was that thing you said to me when I first came here?

Bring me some more iced tea?

No, the other thing. We're all...

... all in this together?

Yeah, that.

(trying to rally)
So let's get out there and knock 'em dead, Troy Bolton!

Look, I do the show only if the Wildcats do the show, too. Or do you just want to sit here and polish off what's left of Zeke's cookies?

Zeke made these?

(pulls from her mouth a piece of paper baked into a cookie)

"Dear Sharpay: You are my secret ingredient. Your Iron Chef, Zeke." How sweet is that?

(dabbing her eyes with a tissue)
Oh, Troy, what a loser I've been...

Join the club. I was so focused on what I wanted, that I forgot what I already had. I lost my team, I lost my best friend, and I lost Gabriella.

I guess maybe it's time I stepped away from the mirror.

(holds out his hand)
Come on. It's show time.

(SHARPAY is really affected by TROY's selflessness. Suddenly, she gets an idea.)

Um, give me a few minutes to get my face on, okay? Can I borrow your cell phone real fast?

(TROY gives her his phone.)

Oh, and I want you to learn a new song.

What? Now?? Are you crazy?!?

Tell Kelsi I need her asap. Tell her it's super-urgent.

I can't learn a new song that fast!

Tell Fulton to put us on last. He can stall until we're ready. I need like fifteen minutes! Go get Kelsi! Hurry!!!

(TROY runs for KELSI. SHARPAY whips open the phone, dials and puts it to her ear.)

Uhm, hi, it's Sharpay... No  don't hang up  I have something really important to tell you... You have like two minutes to get up here...

(SHARPAY exits.)