SIDE 1

(MS. DARBUS, the school drama teacher, enters her homeroom with a grand flourish. Her eccentricity is fueled by a genuine love of theatre and of teaching. A small, hand-held gong sits on her desk.)

 

 

Well, once again, they forgot to announce the auditions for the winter musical,Juliet and Romeo, written by our very own Kelsi Nielson. It's a delicious, neo-feminist adaptation of Shakespeare's classic tragedy of star-crossed lovers... with a brand new happy ending!

(CHAD leads the JOCKS in a round of dry raspberries.)

Mr. Danforth, this is a place of learning, not a football diamond.

(TROY slips his cell phone from his pocket and dials.)

This year, as always, the Drama Club faces a shortage of male participants, so please come in and audition. I'm offering you fun, glamour... and extra credit!

(A cell phone starts a wild musical ring. At the first ring, RYAN and SHARPAY pull out their cell phones.)

Ah, the dreaded cell phone symphony! Sharpay and Ryan Evans, your phones please, and I'll see you in detention.

(MS. DARBUS lifts a plastic bucket that is labeled: CELL BLOCK D. But the musical ringing continues. MS. DARBUS searches the room. GABRIELLA digs her phone from the bottom of her backpack. MS. DARBUS looms over her.)

We have zero tolerance for cell phones during class. Phone, please... and welcome to East High, Ms. Montez.

(notices TROY's phone)
Mr. Bolton, I see your phone is involved. Splendid. We'll see you in detention as well.

(MS. DARBUS extends the bucket for TROY's phone. CHAD practically leaps out of his chair.)

 

 

 

 

That's not even a possibility, Ms. Darbus  your honor, sir  because we have basketball practice

 

 

 

 

That's thirty minutes for you, too, Mr. Danforth, count 'em!

 

 

 

 

SIDE 2

 

 

Where's my team, Darbus?! And what the heck are they doing here?!?

(The STUDENTS are frozen by COACH BOLTON's anger.)
 

I run my detention my way; you can run yours your way.
 

(points to TROY and CHAD)
You two, into the gym, right now.

(TROY and CHAD run out.)

 

 

(to STUDENTS)
Detention is over for today. I expect to see some of you tomorrow afternoon at the auditions. Please remember to be on time. Scoot, now. You've all done wonderfully!

(The STUDENTS pull their phones from the bucket and exit. SHARPAY lags behind to eavesdrop.)

 

 

 

 

(to MS. DARBUS)
I need my star players in practice, not detention!

 

 

 

 

Why should athletes get preferential treatment?

 

 

 

 

I'm trying to teach these kids about having a goal, about teamwork, something they can use as adults.

 

 

 

 

Which is precisely what I am trying to do.

 

 

 

 

How, by making them scream at the top of their lungs?!?

 

 

 

 

Philistine!

 

 

 

 

Crack pot!

(MS. DARBUS bangs her gong. COACH BOLTON blows his whistle. They exit in opposite directions.)

 

 

 

 

SIDE 3

 

 

How dare you? How dare you!!??
 

Boys, practice is over. Hit the showers. Now.

(The JOCKS run off.)
 

A very reliable source has told me that you and your all-star son are planning some kind of practical joke in my chapel of the arts. But I won't allow Juliet and Romeo to be made into a farce
 

(tries to stifle a laugh)
Juliet and Romeo???