Fa Mulan?

Here? Present? Really nervous?

Speaking without permission. Strike one.

(The ENSEMBLE strikes a wooden block.)

Who spit in her bean curd?

(The MATCHMAKER circles MULAN. MULAN drops the cricket container.)

(whispering)
Whoops. Hey, cricket! Get back here.

(The MATCHMAKER makes notes.)
Hmmm! Too skinny. Humph. Not good for bearing sons.

(MULAN tries to grab the cricket container. As she reaches for it, she accidently kicks it further away. She finally picks up the container, but bumps into the MATCHMAKER.)

Ahhh... hi! Just wanted to get a little up close and personal with the Matchmaker.

(studies the MATCHMAKER's face)

Wow. Even your mole has a mole!

Lack of respect. Strike two.

(The ENSEMBLE provides strike two.)

Now recite the final admonition

(MULAN checks for her notes: under her arm, no. Her elbow, no. Finally her ankle - she jumps from foot to foot, attempting to read the note on her ankle.)

Fulfill your duties calmly and... respectfully. Reflect before you snack - act!

(Just as MULAN finishes reading the admonition, she loses her balance and lands in a heap at the MATCHMAKER'S feet.)

Ruining the Matchmaker's last good pair of slippers - and her pedicure! Strike three!

(The ENSEMBLE provides strike three.)

You clumsy, silly tomboy. You are a disgrace. You may look like a bride, but you will never bring your family honor!

(The CROWD exits, leaving MULAN alone. The ANCESTORS and MUSHU watch over her.)