Script

SIDE 1

Tell me, what about Nathan Detroit? Is he got a place for his crap game?
 

He s still looking for a place.
 

The heat is on.
 

Well, tell him I m loaded and looking for action. I just acquired five thousand potatoes.
 

Five thousand bucks!
 

Where did you acquire it?
 

I collected the reward on my father.

(HARRY exits.)
 

Everybody is looking for action. I wish Nathan finds a

(BENNY stops as BRANNIGAN enters  he crosses to Benny.)
 

Why, Lieutenant Brannigan! Mr. Southstreet, it is Lieutenant Brannigan of the New York Police Department.
 

A pleasure.
 

Either of you guys seen Nathan Detroit?
 

Which Nathan Detroit is that?
 

I mean the Nathan Detroit who s been running a floating crapgame around here. You can tell him for me: I know that right now he s running around trying to find a spot&

(NATHAN enters, not seeing BRANNIGAN.)
 

Hi, Nathan!
 

Fellas, I m having terrible trouble. Everybody s scared on account of that lousy Brannigan, and I can t
 

Something wrong, Mr. Detroit?
 

(a sickly grimace)
Oh, hello, Lieutenant. I hope you don t think I was talking about you. There are other lousy Brannigans.

Detroit, I imagine you are having trouble finding a place for your crap game.

Well, the heat is on, as you must know from the fact that you now have to live on your salary.

(BRANNIGAN glares and exits.)

Did you find a place for the game?

I was just over to the Biltmore Garage. Joey says he might take a chance and let me use the place, if I give him a thousand bucks.

A thousand bucks!

In cash.

Nathan, can t you do something?

SIDE 2

Benny! Give testimony.
 

I ain t no stool pigeon.
 

Come, brothers  I know it is difficult. But let one of you give testimony to the sin that is in his heart. Anyone.
 

Harry!
 

Oh, no!
 

(louder this time)
Harry the Horse!

(getting reluctantly to his feet)
Ah, well, like when Sky was rolling us for our souls

I beg your pardon?

Sky Masterson. He rolled us a thousand dollars against our souls. That s why we re here.

I don t think I understand.

I do, General. He means that they are only here because Mr. Masterson won them in a dice game.

How wonderful! This whole meeting the result of gambling. It shows how good can come out of evil. Sergeant Sarah, you have done remarkable work.

(a small voice)
Thank you.

SIDE 3

(A STREET OFF BROADWAY. ADELAIDE ENTERS from one direction, NATHAN from another. NATHAN sees her first)

Adelaide!

(Lady Windermere)
Oh! What a coincidence!

Adelaide, did Nicely explain to you about tonight? I hope you ain't sore about it?

(Tries to embrace her - SHE pulls away)

Please! Let us not have a vulgar scene. After all, we are civilized people - we do not have to conduct ourselves like a slob.

Sweetheart! Baby! How can you carry on like this over one lousy elopement? Adelaide, please!

It's no use, Nathan. I have succeeded in your not being able to upset me no more. I have got you completely out of my...

(Sneezes. Then throws herself into NATHAN's arms, weeping) 

Oh, Nathan!

Adelaide, baby! Don't ever do that to me again! I can't stand it. We'll get married. We'll have a home, and a little white house with a green fence - just like the Whitney colors.

Look, Nathan darling, we can still make everything all right. Look - it's not even midnight yet. Five minutes to twelve - let's elope right now.

Okay, Adelaide.

(THEY embrace; BENNY and NICELY ENTER. NATHAN sees them)

No, I can't.

Why not?

(BENNY and NICELY are crossing at this moment)

Come on, Nathan - we'll be late.

Come on!

(THEY EXIT)

(In measured tones) 
Nathan, why can't we elope now?

Because - well, I got to go to a prayer meeting.

(This one really hits her)
Nathan. This is the biggest lie you ever told me!

(She turns and begins to EXIT)

But I promise you it's true. Adelaide!