SIDE 1

SPONGE

We didn't do it!


(SPONGE tosses the purse offstage.)


 BILLY BOBBY-COP

As long as you keep them contributions to the policeman's fund up-to-date, we've got no trouble with you.

SPIKER

How can we be of help to such devastatingly handsome representatives of Scotland Yard?


BOBBY BOBBY-COP

Got an official telegram for the two of you.

(BOBBY BOBBY-COP refuses to give the telegram without receiving payment. SPONGE digs deeply into her pocket, retrieves a coin and
hands it to BOBBY BOBBY-COP.)

'Ere you go.


(BILLY and BOBBY BOBBY-COP exit in perfect unison movement.)

SPONGE

(snatching the telegram)

Thanks, mates.


SPIKER

What's it say? What's it say?


SPONGE

It says... we're having a baby!


(The VAGRANTS look at SPIKER and SPONGE in disbelief and disgust.)

SPIKER

Give that to me! (reading the telegram) Blah, blah, blah, blah parents. Blah, blah, blah eaten by a rhino, blah, blah, blah oh dear me.