Script
Audition Central: Roald Dahl's Matilda The Musical JR.
Script: Mrs. Wormwood
SIDE 1
MR. WORMWOOD
Everyone, gather round; I want my family to share in my triumph.
(to MATILDA)
Not you, boy.
MATILDA
I'm a girl!
(MATILDA hovers, uninvited.)
MR. WORMWOOD
One hundred and fifty-five old bangers on my hands. How could I possibly make the mileage go back? I couldn't very well drive each one backwards could I?
MICHAEL
Backwards.
MR. WORMWOOD
When suddenly I had the most genius idea in the world! I grabbed a drill and, using my incredible mind, I attached the drill to the speedometer of the first car, turned it on and whacked it into reverse.
MICHAEL
Back... wards.
MR. WORMWOOD
Exactly! Within a few minutes I had reduced the mileage to practically nothing.
MICHAEL
Backwards!
MR. WORMWOOD
Ten minutes later the Russians show up. Expensive suits, dark glasses-
MRS. WORMWOOD
Russians are nocturnal; I saw it on a program last night.
MATILDA
That was a program about badgers.
END
SIDE 2
MR. WORMWOOD
In business, son, a man's hair is his greatest asset. Good hair means a good brain.
(MR. WORMWOOD removes the towel, revealing his hair is now bright green.)
(MRS. WORMWOOD and MATILDA enter.)
MRS. WORMWOOD
Your... hair! It's... It's... green!
(MRS. WORMWOOD holds up a mirror.)
MR. WORMWOOD
My hair's green!
MRS. WORMWOOD
Why on earth did you do that?
MATILDA
Maybe you used some of mummy's peroxide by mistake?
MRS. WORMWOOD
That's exactly what you've done, you stupid man!
MR. WORMWOOD
My hair! My lovely hair?
(sudden thought)
I've got my deal today! The Russians... what am I going to do?
MATILDA
I know what you can do.
MR. WORMWOOD
What?
MATILDA
You could pretend you're an elf.
MR. WORMWOOD
What are you talking about you fool? The boy's a loony.
END
SIDE 3
MRS. WORMWOOD
Who is it?
MISS HONEY
Oh, yes, um, hello, my name is Miss Honey. Matilda's teacher?
MRS. WORMWOOD
Bit busy right now...
MISS HONEY
It will only take a moment.
MRS. WORMWOOD
Oh, well, come in if you must.
(inviting MISS HONEY inside)
This is Rudolpho, he's my dance partner. We're rehearsing.
RUDOLPHO
Ciao (chow).
MISS HONEY
Ah, parle Italiano? Bene.
(beat)
What?
RUDOLPHO
(to MRS. WORMWOOD)
Who is this, babe? You know what interruptions do to my energy flow.
MRS. WORMWOOD
What do you want, Miss Chutney?
MISS HONEY
It's Miss Honey. Well, as you know Matilda is in the bottom class and children in the bottom class aren't really expected to read-
MRS. WORMWOOD
Well stop her reading then. Lord knows we've tried.
RUDOLPHO
(dancing)
I'm in the zone, doll. I can feel it in my hips. Don't waste this.
MRS. WORMWOOD
I'm not in favor of girls getting all clever pants, Miss Hussey. Looks are more important than books. Now, look at you, look at me. You chose books, I chose looks. Good day.
END