Script
Audition Central: Sister Act JR.
Script: Deloris Van Cartier
SIDE 1
CURTIS
Okay, okay, okay, okay!
DELORIS
Thanks for letting me audition, Curtis. What do you think?
CURTIS
Baby, you look good, you move good, you sound good.
DELORIS
So can I sing in your club?
CURTIS
No.
DELORIS
But Curtis, you promised me!
CURTIS
I promised you I'd think about it.
DELORIS
But I'm ready.
CURTIS
What do you think boys?
END
SIDE 2
DELORIS
It's Deloris Van Cartier now. As in Cartier's.
(beat)
I do know you - high school!
EDDIE
Yeah, that was me.
DELORIS
You had a crush on me.
EDDIE
Yeah, that was me.
DELORIS
I'd come around and you'd get so nervous you'd start to sweat.
EDDIE
No, that wasn't me.
DELORIS
I called you Sweaty Eddie!
EDDIE
Look I'd appreciate it if you didn't...
(The COP stands up.)
COP
I'll go check on Ernie, Sweaty Eddie.
(The COP exits, laughing.)
EDDIE
Look Doris.
DELORIS
Deloris.
EDDIE
Curtis Jackson needs to be put away. We've been working on
this case for over a year. If you saw Ernie get killed, you need
protection. We need to hide you.
END
SIDE 3
DELORIS
Is it time to pray again? What are we praying for this time?
MARY PATRICK
Oh, Mary Clarence. We're so anxious about performing for the pope.
MARY STEPHEN
I'm in a state.
MARY ROBERT
I can hardly breathe!
MARY THERESA
I can't sleep!
MARY PATRICK
Everyone is so excited for us.
MARY ROBERT
The only thing left to calm our nerves is to have a blessing.
DELORIS
(turning back over)
Good idea.
MARY ROBERT
Mary Clarence? Would you lead us?
DELORIS
What?
NUNS
Please.
DELORIS
Okay.
END
SIDE 4
DELORIS
I know what it's got to be. It's a white fox fur. I just know it. Like Donna Summer wore when she played Philly.
MICHELLE
Open it!
(DELORIS opens the box; the fur is blue.)
TINA
Oh my, somebody shot a Smurf.
ELLE
(to TINA)
Girl, it's dyed.
TINA
I hope it died, 'cause she's gonna put it 'round her neck.
(TINA and ELLE laugh.)
DELORIS
Hey, don't laugh at Curtis... it's the thought that counts, right.
MICHELLE
Where's it from?
NINA
What's it say?
DELORIS
(looks at the tag; she is devastated)
Cynthia.
TINA
Oooh, Cynthia, is that the shop on Market?
ELLE
No, Cynthia is the ex-wife on Rittenhouse Square.
END
SIDE 5
MARY LAZARUS
I see what's going on here. Mother Superior sent in a ringer. She's been trying to get back at me ever since that folk mass fiasco back in '67.
MARY PATRICK
Mary Lazarus, you're terrific, but we could really use some help.
NUNS
(ad-libbed)
We really do. Yes, please let her help. It's true. (etc.)
DELORIS
(to MARY LAZARUS)
Look I don't want to take your job, but you know I could help you out. You're not afraid of hard work, are you?
MARY LAZARUS
I'm a nun. My life's been like the stations of the cross. But without the laughs.
DELORIS
Aw look, you made a little joke.
(Off DELORIS's look, the NUNS unenthusiastically chuckle.)
MARY LAZARUS
(handing DELORIS the baton)
Well, good luck.
END
SIDE 6
MARY ROBERT
Deloris?
DELORIS
Oh you scared me.
MARY ROBERT
Tomorrow is the biggest day of our lives. How can you leave us now?
DELORIS
Baby, I gotta think about my own life.
MARY ROBERT
Then I want to go with you.
DELORIS
What?
MARY ROBERT
I want to go with you. The others- They all know that this is where they belong. They've all received their calling. But maybe this life isn't for me.
END
SIDE 7
MOTHER SUPERIOR, DELORIS
In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy-
DELORIS
Smokes.
MOTHER SUPERIOR
Ghost.
DELORIS
Ghost? Ghost.
MOTHER SUPERIOR, DELORIS
Our Father who art in heaven-
DELORIS
Howard be thy name.
MOTHER SUPERIOR
Hallowed-
DELORIS
-hallowed be thy name.
MOTHER SUPERIOR, DELORIS
Thy kingdom-
DELORIS
For a horse. And yay, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of no food, I shall fear no hunger. We want you to give us this day our daily bread, and to the Republic for which it stands and by the power invested in me I pronounce us ready to eat at last, eat at last, thank God almighty we can eat at last.
(Beat.)
MOTHER SUPERIOR
Amen.
END