SIDE 1

MARY POPPINS

Good morning.

GEORGE

(stunned by the sudden intruder)

Yes??


MARY POPPINS

I've come in answer to the advertisement.

GEORGE

What advertisement? We haven't placed any advertise-

MARY POPPINS

Now, let's see.

(pulls a mended piece of paper from her pocket)

"Play games, all sorts." Which I most certainly can. "Take us on outings, give us treats."

(Bewildered, GEORGE looks at the fireplace, then at MARY POPPINS. He can't believe what she holds in her hands. JANE and MICHAEL enter and listen.)

JANE

Michael! It's our advertisement!

MARY POPPINS

"Rosy cheeks and fairly pretty."

(to GEORGE)

There's no objection on that score, I hope?

GEORGE

(flustered)

Oh, none at all.

MARY POPPINS

I'm glad to hear it.

(MARY POPPINS stares at him so firmly that, for a moment, it is like a ray of light passing right through him.)

GEORGE

But-oh, take it up with Mrs. Banks. She manages all that side of things.

(heads towards the door)

Nothing domestic has anything to do with me.

(turns back and raises a finger)

And don't forget the references!

(GEORGE exits.)

MARY POPPINS

I make it a rule never to give references.

WINIFRED

Oh, I see...

MARY POPPINS

I'll see the children now, thank you.

(JANE and MICHAEL step forward noisily and stand in front of MARY POPPINS.)

WINIFRED

Oh, of course... You'll find they're very nice children.

(realizing she doesn't know the new nanny's name)

Now this is... oh-

MARY POPPINS

Mary Poppins.

(looks at JANE and MICHAEL as if she were reading their souls)

Jane, don't stare. And close your mouth, Michael. We are not a codfish.

(gives a sharp nod)

Best foot forward. Spit-spot.

(MICHAEL and JANE exit toward the nursery, followed by MARY POPPINS.)

WINIFRED

Mrs. Brill, we have a new nanny.

MRS. BRILL

She passed her interview, then?

WINIFRED

Or I did.

(WINIFRED and MRS. BRILL exit.)

 

SIDE 2

WINIFRED

Poor Michael. All he cares about is flying kites.

GEORGE

I used to love flying kites at his age. But my nanny, Miss Andrew, soon frightened it out of me.

WINIFRED

Is it out of the question to do without a nanny?

GEORGE

Don't be absurd! All the best people have nannies... so the wives can do charity work and entertain. Which reminds me, how is your tea party coming on?

WINIFRED

I'm not sure. It seems so odd to send out invitations to people I hardly know.

GEORGE

But they're people you should know. Remember: "By your friends shall ye be judged."

WINIFRED

But that's the point. They're not my friends...

GEORGE

Winifred. Dearest. I'm only thinking of you. Are you going to say something to Mary Poppins about this afternoon?

WINIFRED

I don't think so.


GEORGE

Very well. But just make sure she's doing things our way and not hers.

SIDE 3

WINIFRED

Miss Andrew! It's so lovely to meet you at last! I do hope you had a good journey.

(dropping her bag)

MISS ANDREW

It was thoroughly unpleasant. Where did George go?

WINIFRED

I'm afraid he had... an urgent appointment.

MISS ANDREW

It's not much of a house, is it?

WINIFRED

We like it.

MISS ANDREW

Then it doesn't take a lot to keep you happy. Look at the dust! There! And there! Filth!

MRS. BRILL

Now, just a minute-

MISS ANDREW

Ah. You must be the children.

(examines the children)

Pity. I don't suppose you know who I am?

MICHAEL

Yes, we do. You're the Holy Terror.

MISS ANDREW

Impudent boy!

(to JANE)

Why aren't you wearing stockings?


JANE

I don't like them.


MISS ANDREW

Tut! What manners! I can see there is not a minute to lose!

SIDE 4

 

WINIFRED

Mrs. Brill, what about the cake?

MRS. BRILL


It's just out of the oven, and too hot to be iced, or touched for that matter.

(She places the cake on a tea cart.)

WINIFRED

Are you quite sure you know how to ice it?

MRS. BRILL

Quite sure. And in case you're worried, I have not been exchanged by the fairies for a total nincompoop!

WINIFRED

I'll just go up and check the drawing room.

(WINIFRED exits.)

ROBERTSON AY

I'd like to be helpful.

MRS. BRILL


I'd like to be rich. But destiny thought otherwise.

ROBERTSON AY

Please, Mrs. Brill. I don't mind, honest.

MRS. BRILL

All right. I will give you one task and one task only. Put the icing tools next to the cake. Do you think you can manage that?

ROBERTSON AY

Is that all?

MRS. BRILL

For you, yes. For me, no. I swear, a slave in ancient Rome was on a pleasure cruise compared to my life in this house!

(MRS. BRILL storms out.)