Script

SIDE 1

Hi& I m really happy for you.

(SERENA looks at him  confused.)

Myers posted the cast list for the show  looks like you ll be playing Juliet.
 

Me? Are you serious? Oh, my God!! You are serious! I don t believe it! Juliet! I m playing Juliet. As in  Romeo and. My parents are gonna plotz!

(jumping on him, then composing herself)
Nick& Look, I m sorry about last year  throwing myself at you like that. I was so immature. But this year, I plan to be much more focused on the work.
 

Serena, I m not angry, really. In fact, I care more about you than anyone else in this school.
 

You do?
 

Yeah, I do.
 

Good. Then we can be friends offstage and boyfriend and girlfriend on.
 

Well Serena, I m not Romeo. I ve been cast as Mercutio.

(NICK grabs his wounded gut with one hand, overly theatrical:)
 A plague on both your houses! They have made worms meat of me.
 

You already know your lines?
 

I ve been doing Shakespeare since I was in grade school. See you at rehearsal.

(NICK exits. SERENA calls after him.)
 

Wait a minute. If Nick s playing Mercutio, who s playing Romeo?
 

(from offstage)
Nooooooooo!!

(JOE enters and crosses the stage.)

What is this? I ll kill him! I swear, I ll kill him! He knows I hate Shakespeare. Why did he do it? The dude hates me!

(JOE exits ad libbing in Spanish.)

He s my Romeo? Oy vey!

SIDE 2

 Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hands too much Which mannerly devotion shows in this; For saints have hands that pilgrim s hands do touch, And palm to palm is holy palmer s kiss.
 

Yo! Julie baby! Have not saint s lips, and holy palmers, too, Mamacita!?
 

Wait a minute! What s with the ad libs?
 

I m drawin from my own experience, okay?
 

But Romeo wasn t born in the Bronx.
 

Right!

(to MR. MYERS)
So what am I doin here?
 

I cast you in this role so you could stretch yourself.
 

Mr. Myers, I ain t gonna cut it. You gotta replace me.
 

You re too busy thinking about yourself. You should be concentrating on the beautiful girl standing right in front of you.
 

(miffed)
Excuse me. Why, may I ask, are you butting in?

I want to help.

Who needs help?

We do! We do! Sir Lawrence, knock yourself out.

(JOE takes a seat as NICK gets up.)

mean, think about it. Romeo and Juliet grew up in the same small town. They may have seen each other every day of their lives. But on this night, this special night& it s as if he s seeing her for the very first time.

(SERENA is starting to catch the special meaning in NICK s words.)

Maybe it would make more sense if I showed you.

Yeah& maybe it would.

(taking her hand)
 O! Then dear saint, let lips do what hands do; They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.

 Saints do not move, though grant for prayer s sake.

 Then move not, while my prayer s effect I take. Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged.

(NICK stares at her. The CLASS bursts into applause, whistles and catcalls.)

Let s see a show of hands. How many of you  believe this Romeo?

SIDE 3

Excuse me, but aren t you& aren t you that guy from the peanut butter commercial?
 

Yeah. But do me a favor, don t  spread it around.
 

Why not? I d kill to have a national commercial on the air.
 

You sound like my mom. She s been dragging me to auditions since I was three.
 

I wish I had a mom like that.
 

Trust me, you don t.

(NICK goes back to reading his book.)
 

(after a beat)
My name s Serena Katz.

I know. I saw you in homeroom.

Do you think& I mean, I hate to impose, but& could I have your autograph?

Look, I m sorry. But I came here so I could concentrate on my studies.

But why? You re already a pro. I bet you ve even got your Actors Equity card.

I want to be a real actor, not just some TV hack. Have you ever read Stanislavsky?

Stan who?

Konstantine Stanislavsky. He founded the Moscow Arts Theater in 1897. He and his friends struggled and starved, but that was okay, because they believed in what they were doing.

Wow, you re really into this.

You have to be. The work& the craft& that s all that really matters. Listen to this

(NICK reads from  An Actor Prepares. )

 The actor must learn to use the magical  if. What  if? From the moment of the appearance of this  if, the actor passes from a plane of actual reality into a plane of another life, created and imagined by himself. Believing in this life, the actor can begin to create& 

SIDE 4

Real talent! I have more real talent than all of you put together. You, with your hackneyed conventions have usurped the foremost places in art. Go back to your charming theater and play in your miserable, worthless plays!
 

I have never acted in such plays! Leave me! You re nothing but a Kiev petty bourgeois! (breaking character) Nick, I don t like this scene.
 

But The Seagull is a classic play
 

Classic-schmassic!
 

& and Madame Arkadina is a great role.
 

I don t want to play your mother!
 

All right. How about Shakespeare? Maybe Two Gentlemen of Verona.
 

Which one would I play???

NICK

Would you stop being difficult!!

SERENA

I'm not being difficult. We just spent a whole year investigating our own emotions, and you keep picking scenes I can't relate to.

NICK

Maybe you'd rather be partners with Joe.

SERENA

That clown. No way!!! All I'm saying is that we just spent a whole year investigating our own emotions, and you keep picking scenes I can't relate to. Why can't we try something different?

NICK

Like what?

SERENA

Like& Troilus and Cressida. Or how about Cat on a Hot Tin Roof? I would just die to play Maggie the Cat. I have a copy right here in my bag.

(SERENA begins rummaging in her bag and a photo of NICK falls out.)

NICK

(picking up the picture)

What's this?

SERENA

Uh& you gave it to me?

NICK

Last semester. You carry my headshot around?

SERENA

Yes.

(NICK reacts.)

No. I, um, meant to leave it at home&

(Angrily, NICK tears up the picture and throws it on the floor.)

What are you doing! Nick, wait! Don't!

NICK

For crying out loud! How're we gonna get any work done if you keep acting like an adolescent?

SERENA

What's wrong with acting like adolescents, when that's exactly what we are?

NICK

Look, Serena. It's obvious we're not coming from the same place. Maybe you should find yourself another scene partner.

(NICK exits and SERENA is left alone onstage.)