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Script
Audition Central: Schoolhouse Rock Live! JR.
Script: Tom
SIDE 1
TOM
(still a little confused)
Okay guys, I usually enjoy a good morning hallucination, but I have to get ready to teach my first day of classes today - so I'd appreciate it if you would all just scoot.
GEORGE
Tom, we know today is your first day of teaching. That's why we're here. We are here to help you.
(to audience)
Right?
TOM
What would really help is if I look over my lesson plan. It's going to be tough enough already.
GEORGE
Tom, it's not going to be tough. It's going to be easy. Why, when we get through with you, it'll be as easy as...
END
SIDE 2
TOM
Listen to all those congressmen arguing! Is all that discussion and debate about you?
GEORGE
Yeah, and I'm one of the lucky ones. Most bills never even get this far. I hope they decide to report on me favorably. Otherwise I may die.
TOM
Die?
GEORGE
Yeah, die in committee. Oh, but it looks like I'm gonna live! Now I go to the House of Representatives and they vote on me.
TOM
What happens if they say, "yes"?
GEORGE
Then I go to the Senate and the whole thing starts all over again!
TOM
Oh no!
GEORGE
Oh, yes!
END
SIDE 3
TOM
You want the TV? Take the TV. The TV's yours. Just leave me alone.
GEORGE
Relax, Tom. We're just different parts of you. We are all the ideas in your head.
DINA
And not just us, Tom. Do you realize how many ideas you have in your head? Just look around you.
ALL (EXCEPT TOM)
(to audience, ad-lib greetings)
Hi. Hello. (etc.)
(TOM looks around and sees the audience for the first time.)
TOM
I don't understand this!
SHULIE
Don't you see, Tom? We're every person you've ever met.
(SHULIE removes Tom's robe, revealing Tom's work clothes.)
JOE
We're every place you've ever been.
DORI
We're every thing you've ever known!
SHULIE
Feel better?
TOM
No.
JOE
You look great!
END
SIDE 4
GEORGE
Well, Tom, buddy - we've been here long enough. You've got a big day ahead of you. We've gotta go.
TOM
What? You can't leave yet. There are so many songs we haven't done yet. Like...
(sings)
ELECTRICITY, E - LECTRICITY!
SHULIE
Hey, Tom, that really is the end. We've got to get back to where we came from... just like Janet here. Right, Janet?
JANET
Right, Shulie!
DINA
You are going to make a great teacher, Tom. Good luck!
END
SIDE 5
SHULIE
Do you think we'll ever colonize on the moon someday?
DINA
There's a whole universe of possibilities.
TOM
And my students are the ones who are gonna take us there. Wow, that's a great song. It reminds me of when I was a kid. I used to love riding on trains.
DINA
Well, have you ever traveled by plane?
TOM
Yes.
DINA
Have you ever traveled by boat?
TOM
Yes.
DINA
How about by spaceship?
TOM
I don't know anyone who has ever traveled in space.
SHULIE
I know someone who has!
END
SIDE 6
JOE
Criminy, George, that one just plum wore me out.
TOM
That was a really fun song!
DORI
And?
TOM
And it was very informative.
DINA
But?
TOM
But it wore me out a bit.
SHULIE
Or?
TOM
Or, hey, what's up with all the conjunctions?
DORI, DINA, SHULIE
You tell us, Tom.
END